You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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