ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
