either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
