Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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