Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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