I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
