meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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