alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
