I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
