I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
