In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
