so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
