Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
