I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
