Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
