So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
