today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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