Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
