I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
