For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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