This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
