i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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