idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
