Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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