I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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