she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
