I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
