I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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