You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
