We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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