Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
