Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
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