your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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