dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
