Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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