i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
