i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
