thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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