thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
