the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she told me i tasted like america
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
