Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
