I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
