I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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