i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
