bring money and cleavage
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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