So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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