Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
