i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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