I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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