i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
