if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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