Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
